Qdoba bag speaks. Yawn.

Thought I’d dip into my collection of photos from those moments when I’m eating like a normal person—a civilian, if you will—and suddenly I’m embarrassing my family or co-diners by taking photos of something in the restaurant. Now is the time. And it was all spurred on by this: I am going to speak for…

If only we still had Jack Kirby to really give the Colonel some sex appeal and powerful delts.

Well, interesting news, in case you were wondering how they were going to escape this thing where first Darrell Hammond and then, with extreme self-awareness, Norm McDonald have been imitating the deceased spokesperson of one of the earth’s most well-known brands (even if some Millennials don’t realize there used to be a real Colonel and assume…

Grotesque magician trick with a black bun Burger King burger. “Observe; the bun is presently black—now I consuuuuuume the burger...”

Let us celebrate green poo. (I know that’s gross but it’s relevant, and I’ll explain.) Because I think something good is going on a BK HQ. They’re trying to attract the Millennials by BEING rather than SAYing, mostly. They are BEING different. They are acting like a brand whose store you’d be okay with someone…

A perfectly fine Chipotle burrito.

I listen to NPR. As anyone else who listens can tell you, those sponsorship messages are pretty bland. “…and brought to you by Blankenblank Vague Services, a bringer of good to the common good for over ninety decades…” is how they all sound as you tool along in your automobile. I heard one from Chipotle this…