Checking The Nation’s Restaurant Communications For Freshness.

Our long, national Kitchen Nightmare is over. Oh wait, it’s not over…

You’ve watched this by now?

And you’ve guiltily enjoyed the social media “meltdown”?

You never win a fight with the internet. That’s a rule for all of us—but to fight with such spectacular lack of awareness, such complete blindness to how this was going to play out. Delicious.

You never win a fight with the internet. That’s a rule for all of us—but to fight with such spectacular lack of awareness, such complete blindness to how this was going to play out. Delicious.

News today from Eater announces that these Kitchen Nightmare rejects are going to open again after sullenly shutting their doors and chasing away reporters. They’ll donate proceeds to a cyber bullying charity.

Wow, Amy. Wow, Samy.

Okay, I’ll grant that in a reality TV show edit room, with a skilled and snarky editor, footage can be manipulated to tell more than one story. And I grant that the Kitchen Nightmares reality TV show staff is always going to make host Gordon Ramsay look firm-even-fiery-but-ultimately-fair. Still. You can’t deny that this is a good example of how not to behave when you know there are cameras.

Still, the focus should probably be on the social media response, captured thoroughly here by BuzzFeed.

They got up the next morning and decided to claim they got hacked; so did Representative Anthony Wiener. And him, I wanted to believe.

Learning to navigate efficient food prep, personnel management, cost control and other demands of the restaurant biz often leaves smaller places like Amy’s Baking Company with very little time to think through their marketing plan.

But make this a rule—if you’re not sure how a particular social media site tends to function, proceed with caution: Don’t hurl insults. No caps lock, no threats, no invocations of whichever God is on your side. Don’t whine you’re being bullied. Be unfailingly civil.

In absence of a plan, that’ll be the plan.

Thank you, Amy and Samy, for providing the latest teaching moment for social media advisors.

And for your sake, I hope that soon you may echo the first words out of Gerald Ford’s mouth here:

Domino’s Live Pizza Show: not exactly must-see TV, but yeah, a nifty extension of their campaign.

Immediately the snarky Adweek Facebook commenters were all against the live pizza cam: “Why?” “yawn.” “seriously—looks like a snoozefest.”

But you know what? I love their pizza tracker. It’s a gizmo, and it knows it’s a gizmo, and the whole brand positioning of transparency and honesty in dealing with problems is more important than whether I realllllly want to watch a Mormon’s MeatZZa Feast’s pepperonis being applied.

Which, no, I don’t. I have a lot of important things I said I’d do that I haven’t done, and if I’m going to waste time, I’m going to waste time in a more entertaining way.

Or I’m going to read about Nyan cat’s Federal court case and watch the meme for a few minutes.

(sigh) I admit it:

Nyan Cat MemeRandom Mormon Pizza Prep

But this Utah pizza almost-a-stunt is really all about paying off the campaign yet again. Which it does a fine job of doing.

Here is a brand notion that just keeps proving itself useful—first they confess they let their quality slip to the point where they’re a punchline. They take themselves to task, show us where the foods are sourced, show us the employees who want our feedback, provide easy places for us to provide that feedback.

I can even know unsavory things about them as a company, but still accept they’re honestly trying to get better all the time.

And yeah, watching that pizza is boring if you’re not hungry and it’s not your pizza.

It’s still kinda neat.

In related news, here is a box design that can still appear lovely the morning after, laying on the ground by the gas pump I was using:

That’s good Dominos pizza design: it even looks good on the ground by a gas pump.

A very durable brand, is Domino’s.

3-D printed hamburgers: evidence that the research team works through lunch a lot.

The day may come when it’s not weird to think of a restaurant printing out a burger and fries on its 3-D printer.

An article in Dezeen Magazine (passed along by friend-of-the-blog Lindsay) makes the promise—but then sort of dodges it. It’s kind of funny because the interviewer is really interested in the concept, but the designer just keeps saying there’s nobody backing it so there’s no way to know when it will be a reality.

Still, it’s pretty fascinating to contemplate.

More interesting than this video I found where basically they take a 3-D printer and convert it into a cake decorator:

Burgers are a lot more interesting. Look for the brand marriage of Kinko’s and McDonald’s one of these days along an interstate or strip mall near your subdivision.

Once the 3-D printer can make two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, onion, pickles and a sesame seed bun, it’s just a matter of time till these are on every corner. I typed that 1970s McDonald’s ad copy from memory, incidentally. I should probably be horrified or at least embarrassed.

Once the 3-D printer can manufacture two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onion and a sesame seed bun, it’s just a matter of time till these are on every corner. I typed that 1970s McDonald’s ad copy from memory, incidentally. I should probably be horrified. Or at least embarrassed.

Quick, take a side: should Twitter be used by a restaurant to shame people who deserve it?

Did you develop an opinion from your hunch-gut? Do you need more information? Am I tipping my hand as to which side of the argument I think is the correct side?

Here’s the basics: One Los Angeles restaurant got so frustrated by no-shows who made reservations and never appeared that they went on Twitter to call them out by name. By name!

(You shouldn’t watch that silly video, by the way. I’m just using it to say, I think that Twitter functions in this sense like the stocks in the Publick Squaire.)

So check it out: for this story in the Consumerist, the names have been blotted out. You probably instead want to read this version, which EaterLA released, because if you know one of these knuckleheads, you, too, can shame them on Twitter. Or on Pinterest, even. Give it a try.

Oh, heck, here’s a screen grab from EaterLA:

Shamed in the public sphere.

Look, it’s obvious, right? You’re hogging a space that some well-meaning business uses to make money. If you don’t use it, and they turn people away, they don’t make money.

Not to mention it’s rude.

I hate people when they’re not polite, as the poet once sang.

All you had to do was ask: McDonald’s will serve unfoldable eggs.

On the topic of secret menus and knowing what to ask and where to ask it, we have just learned from Serious Eats that people-in-the-know walk up to the counter at McDonald’s and offer a sly sidewise look, maybe a wink, then the phrase, “I’d like my [breakfast sandwich of choice] made with A ROUND EGG.”

And they get real eggs with their [breakfast sandwich of choice]!

Look at the beautiful fold on that egglike substance. Which is apparently a #4.

Look at the beautiful fold on that egglike substance. Which is apparently a #4.

I love it.

You can’t fold round eggs, people. Ray Kroc tried and you can’t.

So the question that remains: will my personal breakfast sandwich of choice (which is a Sausage Biscuit with Egg) be better with a round egg? Or will I emerge disappointed, and feeling sort of weird that I’ve grown to prefer the artificial version of life like the disappointingly evolved humans in Wall-E…?